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  • Writer's pictureJoni Topper

Walls of Rebellion

“Sometimes when I get up in the night to go to the bathroom or get a drink, when I get back into bed I am so close to the edge there is a feeling that I might fall off if I’m not careful.” These were the last words I spoke as we drifted off to sleep. My husband of 38 years responded in his sleepy voice. “Is it because I push you?” “No.” “Well am I crowding you?” “No.” “Well does it have anything at all to do with me?” “No,” I answered again. “Well ok then. I love you,” were the last words he spoke that night.

Now why is it that a man can ask such simple questions and get a simple answer and then move on to the next logical thing, in this case sleep? It is true, men and women are different.

I pondered why some nights sleep is a come and go event and others it is as it should be the necessary entry into an energetic tomorrow. After several more toss and turn attempts at sleep, I felt my way through the dark to the most familiar place of comfort on a night like this, the sofa. There a girl can fling a leg over the back or prop up her head or gaze out at the night sky through the huge oak tree in the back yard. Sometimes a trip to the kitchen for a drink of water or a spoonful of peanut butter is in order. The light from an open refrigerator door is perfect for navigating the kitchen at night.

There are three guest rooms in this house. Each has a charm all its own. However, to sleep in one of those rooms would mean making another bed tomorrow. That seals the deal. The sofa is the preferred landing spot.

Most of the time the sofa is not an all night commitment, merely a stopgap measure that leads me back to bed where I belong, next to that man who drives me crazy, warms my heart and occasionally breaks it as well.

Once awakened, there are times I enjoy the silence of the night and take the opportunity to talk with God uninterrupted. He is up at all hours and some of the best things that ever awakened in my spirit happened in the middle of the night.

One of the songs on my soon to be released album was born on such a night. As I lay thinking and praying with fear rather than faith over the impending plight that was most certainly going to play out in the life of a loved one, I realized that the problem in their life was that they had built a wall of rebellion between them and God. I told God all about it for a while. He listened. Then He spoke in my spirit, “Dear Joni, the wall of rebellion is not in their heart, it is in your heart. You refuse to let me take care of this situation. That is not faith, it is fear, it is rebellion.”

After that conversation not only was I humbled, I was inspired. Right then and there the computer became my friend as it saved these words for me till morning when I could set them to music.

Walls of rebellion living in me. I’ve got this wall of rebellion living in me.

Binds me up so I can’t be set free. Walls of rebellion living in me.

He’s breaking down this rebellion living in me, Lord you can take it down I want to be set free. Down this rebellion living in me. Lord you’re the power to set me free.

Jesus is the truth and he will set you free. Oh yes, my Jesus is the truth and he will set you free. You’ve got to act on the truth if you want the key, to break down these walls of rebellion you see.

I’m gonna be shaped for the task God has for me, I want to be shaped for the task God has for me. I’m gonna act on the truth cause I want to beat these walls of rebellion living in me.

It’s coming down this rebellion, living in me.

2 Timothy 3:17 Through the Word we are put together and shaped up for the tasks God has for us.

I guess part of the task of getting in shape is getting rid of the rebellion. Even a restless night can have purpose.

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